No Anchovies, Please

I was listening to the J. Geils Band record Love Stinks and my mom asked me to play "No Anchovies, Please"  I put it on and it is a little odd.  It's the story of a couple in Portland, Maine.  While this woman is waiting for her husband Don to return home from work, she puts some anchovies on lettuce and notices a number on the bottom of the can.  She calls the number and hears a man on the other end say, "Don't move, lady, we'll be right over."  When she hangs up, she sees three "smartly dressed" men (as Peter Wolf put it) and they take her away to a foreign speaking nation and they turn her into a...
While I'd love to tell you the rest, I think you should listen to it.  I provided the link above and highly advise you click it.  It's not a song, it is a spoken story told by none other than Peter Wolf.  It's just a silly story that can help lighten your mood.