Spaces

"Does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes?  Everything that you've ever dreamed of, disappearing when you wake up.  But there's nothing to be afraid of.  Even when the night changes.  It will never change me and you."

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"Only half a blue sky.  Kinda there but not quite.  I'm walking around with just one shoe.  I'm half a heart without you."

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Today marks a very sad day for me and my fellow Directioners.  I found out this afternoon at 12:40 that Zayn Malik has left One Direction.  Being a fan for three years, this was a day I thought I would never have to see.  One Direction would not only break records, but they would stay a complete band forever.  I was naive.  No band ever sticks together.  No, One Direction has not broken up, but I can't help but think that this is the beginning of the end for them.

I had been awaiting Zayn's return to the tour.  After finding out today that he would not be returning for the remainder of the On the Road Again Tour or to the band in general, I was very heartbroken.

While most people reading this will think I am just a dramatic fangirl, something everyone should understand is that I have put so much into this band.  I was finally able to go see them last year during their Where We Are Tour and I was beyond excited.  This year, when I attend the OTRAT, I won't get the same feeling I got last year.  I will never stop being a One Direction fan and I still can't wait to see them this August, but it's not the same without Zayn.

But I am not mad at him.  I have noticed a big change in him this past year.  He has seemed upset, like he hasn't been enjoying himself as much as the other boys have been.  Not that he didn't like the amazing opportunity he was given, but the fame and spotlight made him unhappy.  Everything happened so quickly for One Direction.  They were formed on The X Factor, and only a few weeks into the live shows, they had hundreds of girls lining up outside the studio to see them.  Between releasing a new album every year and going on 9 month tours non-stop since 2010, it's been too much to handle, especially for Zayn, who is someone who likes to have some time to himself.

I love Zayn more than words can describe and I've never even met him.  If leaving the band is what it takes to make him happy, then that's what it takes.  I love you, Zayn, and you'll be a member of One Direction.

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"Ooh, spaces between us keep getting deeper.  It's harder to reach ya even though I try.  Spaces between us hold all our secrets, leaving us speechless and I don't know why.

Who's gonna be the first to say goodbye?"